Assertive Communication
Introduction
In this chapter, we will explore the different styles of communication. We will learn how and why our cultural training inhibits us from using the style of communication that is most appropriate 99% of the time. How to decide when to be a listener and when to be the communicator will be discussed. We will revisit what our goals are for all of our efforts and communication with children, especially in guidance.
We will explain what the essence of assertive communication entails and how to accomplish this style of communication by using I-Messages. This structure and technique will be explained in detail. I-Messages have been around for a long time, and many are familiar with the technique. The problem is that it is very often misused and becomes ineffective.
We will end by covering collaborative problem-solving, where we discuss how both active listening and assertive messages are needed together to address issues that affect more than one person. At the end, we acknowledge the difficulty of moving to productive, caring communication and talk about the process of learning new skills and the practice that is needed to change any habit.
Learning Objectives
After reading this chapter, students will be able to:
- Identify who “owns” a problem in a given situation and determine when it is appropriate to listen versus when to assertively express one’s own concerns.
- Differentiate the four styles of communication and analyze their effects on children’s emotional and social development.
- Explain the core principles of assertive communication and how it promotes mutual respect, emotional safety, and healthy relationships between adults and children.
- Discuss the role of mutual respect in communication with young children to develop autonomy and responsibility.
- Recognize how every interaction contributes to a child’s development and intentionally use communication to nurture competence, confidence, and social-emotional health.
- Construct and use the structure of I-Messages (description of behavior, emotional impact, and explanation of consequences) and practice using them to express concerns without blame or criticism.
- Demonstrate active listening and empathy skills to support children when they own a problem.
The five roadblocks to communication can be found in the Appendix.
