Understanding of Behavior for Positive Guidance
Ken Breeding
Defining Terms and Useful Constructs
The terms inappropriate behavior, problem behavior, and misbehavior are often used interchangeably in early childhood settings to describe actions adults find troublesome, disruptive, or contrary to expectations. However, each carries subtle distinctions that are important for educators to understand.
- Inappropriate behavior typically refers to actions that do not fit the norms or expectations of a particular situation, culture, or developmental stage (Gartrell, 2021). For example, shouting during a story circle may be inappropriate in that context, though the same behavior might be entirely acceptable on the playground. “Inappropriateness” is therefore context-dependent and culturally defined.
- Problem behavior is a broader and more neutral term that describes any behavior interfering with a child’s learning, social interaction, or participation in daily routines (Kaiser & Rasminsky, 2023). It emphasizes that the behavior presents a challenge needing support, not punishment.
- Misbehavior is more value-laden, often implying that the child intentionally chooses to “act out” or disobey. It suggests naughtiness or defiance and reflects an adult’s moral judgment rather than an objective description of the behavior (Gartrell, 2021; Nelsen et al., 2011).
Adults often label behavior as misbehavior simply because it is inconvenient, annoying, or embarrassing to them, not because it is developmentally inappropriate or harmful (Dreikurs & Cassel, 1990). Recognizing this bias helps educators move from punitive responses toward understanding the child’s needs and developmental context.
Assessing Appropriateness through Purpose and Context
Understanding whether a behavior is appropriate requires examining why the behavior occurred, its purpose or function, within the context of the child’s developmental stage, individual characteristics, and environmental influences (Kostelnik et al., 2021). Young children, for instance, are still developing impulse control and empathy; therefore, grabbing a toy from another child, while problematic, is often an age-typical expression of unmet need rather than deliberate aggression.
A behavior that seems inappropriate to an adult may be a functional strategy for a child to communicate, gain comfort, or exert control in an overwhelming environment. As behavior theorist Alfred Adler proposed, all human behavior is goal-directed and purposeful—even when it appears irrational or disruptive (Dreikurs & Cassel, 1990). Educators who can decode that purpose are better equipped to guide children toward more effective strategies.
Functional and Dysfunctional Behavior
A functional behavior is one that serves a positive purpose in meeting a child’s needs in an adaptive, socially acceptable way. Examples include using words to request help, seeking comfort from a teacher when upset, or moving to a quiet area when overstimulated. Functional behaviors help children achieve goals, connection, autonomy, competence, while maintaining harmony with others (Kaiser & Rasminsky, 2023).
By contrast, dysfunctional behaviors are actions that may serve an underlying need but result in negative outcomes, such as adult disapproval, peer rejection, or escalation of stress. For instance, a child who hits others to gain attention achieves the short-term goal of being noticed but experiences negative consequences that undermine long-term needs for belonging and positive relationships. Dysfunctional behaviors often reflect skill deficits rather than willful misbehavior; the child simply lacks the social or emotional tools to achieve goals appropriately (Gartrell, 2021). We will see in Chapter 14 how this is exactly the problem with punishment, often used because of our skill deficits, that may achieve some immediate, temporary goal, but does nothing to achieve our objectives and goals, and produces many negative side effects.
Adult-Centered vs. Child-Centered Perspectives on Misbehavior
An adult-centered definition of misbehavior focuses on how the behavior affects adults—whether it disrupts instruction, challenges authority, or violates established rules. This view can unintentionally position the child as the problem, emphasizing compliance and control (Gartrell, 2021). Adults working from this perspective may respond punitively, aiming to stop the behavior rather than understand it.
In contrast, a child-centered definition views misbehavior as communication of unmet needs or ineffective problem-solving attempts. This perspective aligns with Adlerian and positive guidance approaches, which seek to understand what the child is trying to accomplish and to teach more socially constructive means to achieve it (Dreikurs & Cassel, 1990; Nelsen et al., 2011).
From a child-centered stance, teachers ask:
- What is this child trying to tell me through this behavior?
- What skill or understanding might they be missing?
- How can I guide them toward a more functional, respectful way of meeting their need?
This shift, from control to understanding, transforms guidance into an act of empathy and education rather than discipline. Ultimately, reframing “misbehavior” as “purposeful behavior gone astray” empowers educators to respond with compassion, consistency, and effectiveness.
Exercises
Take a moment to reflect on the following scenarios and consider how you might rethink “misbehavior”.
Reflect on a specific incident.
Think of a moment when a child’s behavior frustrated, embarrassed, or inconvenienced you. What label did you give that behavior at the time—inappropriate, problematic, or misbehavior? Looking back, what do you think the child might have been trying to communicate through that behavior?
Consider the role of your own perspective.
How might your physical or emotional state (stress, fatigue, frustration) have influenced how you interpreted or responded to the behavior? What cultural, personal, or professional expectations shaped your judgment about what was “appropriate”?
Identify the function of the behavior.
What need might the child have been trying to meet (attention, belonging, power, comfort, control)? Could you have offered a more functional alternative to help the child meet that need positively?
Compare adult-centered and child-centered interpretations.
In what ways might your classroom or program reinforce an adult-centered definition of misbehavior (e.g., emphasis on compliance, convenience, or control)? How can you reframe your guidance practices to reflect a more child-centered understanding of behavior as communication?
Application
Choose one recurring “problem behavior” in your classroom. Write a brief plan describing how you could respond differently using the understanding of purposeful, functional, and child-centered behavior discussed in this chapter.
Expectations
Expectations play an important role in how we interpret behavior and how we should respond to specific situations. Darla Ferris Miller, author of the textbook, Positive Child Guidance (2016) provides an elegant, simple framework for looking at what our day-to-day objectives should be in terms of children in our care. She advocates that all behavior should meet three requirements. They should be safe, be respectful, and be responsible. She defines these as basic ground rules and recommends interrupting or redirecting any child’s behavior that
- Presents a clear risk of harm to either the child or anyone else at the time (be safe)
- Interferes or infringes on the rights of others (be respectful)
- Involves mistreatment of living things or objects in the environment (be responsible)
Our expectations for children must be reasonable and based on their age and their level of understanding. It’s appropriate to intervene with both a baby who crawls up onto a glass coffee table and a six-year-old who is moving his feet up and down on the same coffee table. These behaviors present a risk of harm as well as not being responsible for the care of the table. Many times, it is more effective to change the environment than to change the behavior. Babies do not have the ability to inhibit their impulses. An appropriate response would be to take the baby to a safe area where climbing is safe. The inappropriate behavior becomes appropriate, although the baby does not know the difference.
For the six-year-old, an appropriate expectation would be that they are capable of understanding how their behavior might not meet those expectations of being safe and responsible. In this case, the emphasis would be on giving the child the relevant facts, choices, and consequences. As we explored in the last two chapters, this can be accomplished by being both firm and kind.
Stress and Frustration
No matter what our age is, we all risk losing control when we reach a certain level of frustration. I know my behavior changes after spending a prolonged time trying to get through to a human on a customer service number. After being on hold for more than half an hour at a time and then being dropped or hung up on several times, everything about my response is not what it would have been without that frustration.
For children, it is critically important that all of our curriculum materials and activities are neither so easy that they are boring, nor so challenging that they are frustrating. This is where Vygotsky’s concept of “zone of proximal development” and appropriate “scaffolding” (the temporary support that is needed for achieving things that are within our reach but just a little beyond where we are currently) are so important.
Stress is a very real condition for many children and families today. Even if there are no direct causes of stress for children, they are emotional sponges and often absorb much of the stress experienced by their parents and caregivers. This is true, even where adults feel like they are being very protective in keeping their own stress from reaching their children.
As an elementary counselor, I remember a second-grade child in the middle of the year developing problems coming to school. If she got to school, she would report that she was ill or do other things that would cause her to be sent home. The parents reported that nothing had changed at all at home. A couple of months later, the issue was resolved, and the parents shared that they had been in a lot of conflict about potentially having to leave their home and move to another state. They had initially felt sure that their daughter did not know anything about it.
Discomfort and Fatigue
When any of us is not feeling well, we can have difficulty choosing appropriate behavior. When children are tired or hungry, we should be prepared for less functional behavior. In 12-Step programs, there’s an acronym that helps people remember states that can make a person more vulnerable to relapse or to reacting in unhealthy ways. They use H.A.L.T., which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
When behavior is unproductive, consider if the child’s health, fatigue, or hunger could be responsible. This can be a useful reflective thing for us to do ourselves. If we’re not being as effective as we possibly could in handling others’ behavior, it’s useful to check in on our own physical state.
Common Major Goals of Problem Behavior
The idea that children’s misbehavior serves a purpose is one of the most important insights in understanding and guiding young children. Every action, even those that seem defiant or disruptive, represents the child’s attempt to belong, feel significant, and meet a personal need (Adler, 1930; Dreikurs & Grey, 1968). When children cannot find positive ways to achieve belonging or recognition, they often pursue these goals through mistaken or maladaptive means.
Dreikurs (1968) identified four common “mistaken goals” of misbehavior that help adults decode the underlying motivation behind a child’s actions: attention, power, revenge, and assumed inadequacy. Recognizing these goals allows you to respond more effectively, shifting from reactive discipline toward empathetic guidance.
Examples
The Goal of Attention
Purpose and Motivation:
Children seeking attention often feel unnoticed or insignificant unless others are focused on them. When they do not receive positive attention for acceptable behavior, they learn that misbehavior—such as interrupting, clowning, or being overly dependent—guarantees a reaction (Dreikurs & Grey, 1968).
Adult Feelings and Clues:
Teachers or caregivers typically feel annoyed, irritated, or mildly exasperated when faced with attention-seeking behavior. Adults may find themselves repeating reminders, nagging, or scolding; responses that, ironically, provide the attention the child craves (Nelsen, 2006).
Ineffective Responses:
Constant correction, criticism, or overly positive attention after inappropriate acts reinforces the mistaken belief that “I belong when I’m being noticed.”
Effective Guidance:
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- Provide attention through encouragement, not correction—catch the child being helpful or kind.
- Use planned ignoring for minor attention-seeking behavior while recognizing positive contributions.
- Offer special moments of focused time or responsibility so the child feels seen and valued.
Key Strategy:
Ask yourself, “How do I feel when this behavior happens?” If the answer is “irritated but drawn into responding,” attention is likely the goal.
The Goal of Power
Purpose and Motivation:
Children whose behavior is driven by the need for power seek autonomy and control over their lives. When they feel powerless or dominated, they may resist, argue, or deliberately defy requests to assert independence (Dreikurs & Soltz, 1991).
Adult Feelings and Clues:
Adults typically feel challenged, angry, or provoked, often finding themselves in a battle of wills.
Ineffective Responses:
Arguing, punishing, or giving in to avoid conflict all reinforce the child’s sense that power struggles are the best way to gain significance.
Effective Guidance:
-
- Avoid power struggles—don’t fight; instead, withdraw from conflict calmly and offer limited, structured choices.
- Use mutual problem solving: invite the child to help decide on a solution (“What could you do instead that still lets you feel in charge?”).
- Empower through leadership roles or responsibilities that channel the need for autonomy positively.
Key Strategy:
If you feel drawn into a contest of wills, step back rather than step up. Respecting the child’s need for agency helps restore cooperation.
The Goal of Revenge
Purpose and Motivation:
When children feel hurt, rejected, or powerless, they may strike back to restore a sense of worth through revenge. This might appear as aggression, sarcasm, or intentional defiance meant to inflict emotional pain (“If I can’t belong, at least I can make you hurt too”) (Dreikurs & Soltz, 1991).
Adult Feelings and Clues:
Adults often feel deeply hurt, angry, or even shocked by the intensity of the behavior. The emotional sting can make empathy difficult to sustain.
Ineffective Responses:
Punishment or retaliation validates the child’s belief that the world is unfair and people are against them, deepening alienation.
Effective Guidance:
-
- Recognize the child’s emotional pain and respond with empathy rather than punishment.
- Use restorative approaches, help the child repair relationships and express hurt safely.
- Focus on rebuilding trust and connection through warmth and consistent care.
Key Strategy:
If you feel personally attacked or deeply hurt, the goal is likely revenge. Respond by offering compassion rather than control.
The Goal of Assumed Inadequacy
Purpose and Motivation:
Some children withdraw or give up, believing they cannot succeed or belong no matter what they do. This assumed inadequacy leads to passive or avoidant behaviors—crying, refusal to try, or acting helpless (Nelsen, 2006).
Adult Feelings and Clues:
Adults often feel discouraged, hopeless, or tempted to give up on the child. This mirrors the child’s internal experience of defeat.
Ineffective Responses:
Criticism, over-helping, or pity reinforces the child’s belief that they are incapable.
Effective Guidance:
-
- Provide small, achievable steps toward success; celebrate even minor progress.
- Focus on effort and persistence, not outcomes.
- Offer encouragement instead of praise, “You’re really working hard,” rather than “You’re so smart.”
Key Strategy:
When you feel helpless or like giving up, assume the child feels the same way, and offer encouragement and hop
Putting It All Together
Understanding the purpose behind children’s behavior transforms how educators and caregivers respond. Instead of reacting to surface behavior, you can interpret the message behind the behavior, recognize your own emotional cues, and respond in ways that foster belonging, capability, and self-regulation. By addressing mistaken goals with empathy and structure, we help children find more functional ways to meet their needs, building the foundation for cooperation and healthy social development. On the next page, you’ll find a summary table of the above information that you might want to print out for easy reference.
Remember: Children act purposefully, even when the purpose is mistaken. Your empathy and understanding can transform misbehavior into a learning opportunity that builds confidence, connection, and cooperation.
Understanding the Four Mistaken Goals of Misbehavior
(Adapted from Adler, 1930; Dreikurs & Grey, 1968; Dreikurs & Soltz, 1991; Nelsen, 2006)
When Children “Misbehave,” Ask: What Is the Purpose of This Behavior?
All behavior serves a purpose. When a child’s needs for belonging or significance are not met, they may pursue one of four mistaken goals. Use your own feelings as clues to uncover the goal and guide the child toward more functional ways to meet their needs.
Quick Recognition Guide
| Goal | Adult Feelings (Clues) | Child’s Possible Message | Common Ineffective Response | More Helpful Guidance |
| Attention | Irritated, mildly annoyed, drawn into reacting | “Notice me—see that I matter.” | Repeating, scolding, constant reminders | Notice positive behavior; encourage effort; give attention at appropriate times; use planned ignoring. |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Power | Angry, challenged, provoked | “You can’t make me—I want to decide for myself.” | Arguing, punishment, giving in | Avoid power struggles; offer structured choices; involve child in problem-solving; assign leadership tasks. |
| Revenge | Hurt, resentful, personally attacked | “I feel hurt—now you’ll hurt too.” | Retaliation, criticism, rejection | Show empathy; rebuild connection; guide child to express hurt safely; use restorative practices. |
| Assumed Inadequacy | Helpless, discouraged, tempted to give up | “I can’t do anything right, so why try?” | Over-helping, pity, lowering expectations | Break tasks into small steps; encourage effort; focus on progress; express faith. |
Reflection Cues
- What am I feeling in this moment?
- What might the child be trying to communicate?
- How can I help the child meet this need more positively?
- What belief about belonging or capability might this behavior reveal
References
- Adler, A. (1930). The education of children: From the standpoint of psychology. George Allen & Unwin.
- Dreikurs, R., & Cassel, P. (1990). Discipline without tears: How to reduce conflict and establish cooperation in the classroom. John Wiley & Sons.
- Dreikurs, R., & Grey, L. (1968). A new approach to discipline: Logical consequences. Hawthorn Books.
- Dreikurs, R., & Soltz, V. (1991). Children: The challenge. Plume.
- Gartrell, D. (2021). A guidance approach for the encouraging classroom (7th ed.). Cengage Learning.
- Kaiser, B., & Rasminsky, J. S. (2023). Challenging behavior in young children: Understanding, preventing, and responding effectively (6th ed.). Pearson.
- Nelsen, J., Erwin, C., Duffy, R., & Stoltz, J. (2011). Positive discipline for preschoolers: For their early years—raising children who are responsible, respectful, and resourceful (Revised 3rd ed.). Harmony Books.
- Nelsen, J. (2006). Positive discipline. Ballantine Books.
