Behavior is Purposeful
Ken Breeding
Behavior as Communication
From the moment of birth, children communicate. Before they have words, they express hunger, discomfort, and emotional needs through crying, facial expressions, body movements, and other behaviors. An infant’s cry may signal hunger, tiredness, pain, or the need for closeness. A toddler’s tantrum may signal frustration or the struggle for autonomy. For young children, behavior is their language (Center on the Developing Child, 2010).
Behavior serves as communication because it is the most immediate and accessible way children can express needs, feelings, and perceptions of the world around them. Even after language develops, behavior remains a powerful and often more reliable form of expression. Words may not always convey what a child feels, especially when emotions are intense, vocabulary is limited, or the social situation feels unsafe. As a result, children continue to use behavior, positive or negative, to communicate unmet needs or inner experiences they cannot yet articulate (Kaiser & Rasminsky, 2021).
Behavior Reflects Underlying Needs and Feelings
Every behavior carries meaning. The key to effective guidance is learning to interpret what a child’s behavior is telling us. When children act out, withdraw, or show defiance, these actions often reflect underlying feelings such as fear, anxiety, insecurity, or the desire for connection. For example:
- A preschooler who pushes others during group play may be expressing the need for inclusion or control.
- A child who refuses to join a group activity may be communicating discomfort, fatigue, or sensory overload.
- A child who cries excessively at drop-off may not be “spoiled,” but rather communicating separation anxiety and the need for reassurance.
As Louise Porter (2016) emphasizes, all children’s behavior is an attempt to meet personal needs, whether for belonging, autonomy, competence, or comfort. Recognizing these underlying purposes allows teachers and caregivers to respond with empathy rather than punishment.
Key Takeaways
Even after children acquire language, several factors make behavior an enduring form of communication:
- Emotions often override words.
- When children are upset, their ability to access and use verbal reasoning diminishes. We will get to explore more about this in the next chapter. Behavior takes over as a more instinctive form of expression (Goleman, 2011).
- Behavior is immediate and powerful.
- A tantrum, shout, or refusal often gains faster adult attention than a quiet verbal request.
- Language and emotional understanding develop unevenly.
- Many children can speak fluently before they can name or regulate emotions effectively. This is one of the reasons why it is so important to nurture the development of “emotional intelligence”.
- Context matters.
- In unfamiliar or stressful settings, even older children may regress to behavioral communication when they feel anxious or unsafe.
Recognizing that behavior is communication shifts our role from controlling or stopping behavior to interpreting and responding to it. Instead of asking, “How do I make this behavior stop?” educators can ask, “What is this child trying to tell me?”
Guiding Principles for Educators
- Observe before reacting. Step back and gather clues about what the child may need or feel.
- Validate the message. As we talked about in Chapter 9, it is important to acknowledge emotions (“You seem frustrated”) before addressing the behavior.
- Model calm and empathy. Children learn how to communicate respectfully by observing the way adults respond to their emotional expression.
- Support emotional literacy. Help children develop words for feelings so they can gradually replace behavioral communication with verbal expression.
- Collaborate with families. Parents can offer valuable insight into what specific behaviors may mean at home or in other settings.
Understanding that behavior is communication transforms discipline from correction to connection. When adults listen beneath the surface of children’s actions, they not only reduce problem behaviors but also strengthen trust and relationships, laying the foundation for emotional security and self-regulation, which is key to our ultimate goals.
References
- Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2010). The foundations of lifelong health are built in early childhood. Harvard University.
- Kaiser, B., & Rasminsky, J. S. (2023). Challenging behavior in young children: Understanding, preventing, and responding effectively (6th ed.). Pearson.
- Porter, L. (2016). Young Children’s Behaviour: Guidance approaches for early childhood educators (4th ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003118510
