{"id":197,"date":"2025-12-31T20:12:26","date_gmt":"2025-12-31T20:12:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/?post_type=chapter&p=197"},"modified":"2026-05-21T20:22:43","modified_gmt":"2026-05-21T20:22:43","slug":"collaborating-communication","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/chapter\/collaborating-communication\/","title":{"raw":"Collaborating Communication","rendered":"Collaborating Communication"},"content":{"raw":"

Now the Hard Part: Practice<\/h2>\r\nLearning any new skill, especially when it is so foreign to all of our normal patterns over a lifetime, is extremely hard. It takes commitment, patience, and persistence. At first, we are oblivious to what we are actually doing and the benefits of a different way of interacting with others. When we become aware, one of the first things we often experience is guilt. (This is why there is an old saying that says, \u201cIgnorance is bliss\u201d.)\r\n\r\nIf we are moved (remember the purpose of an emotion like guilt is to \u201cmove\u201d us to action) and then make a commitment to learn how to effectively use I-Messages, our first attempts are very unsteady and painstakingly slow. We have to think through all of the choices for each component. This sounds very unnatural and phony, which is also very uncomfortable. (One of the things that can make this easier is to work on an I-Messages in written form at the beginning of learning them. You can take your time to craft them and make all of the revisions you need before actually delivering it.)\r\n\r\nIf we hang in long enough, we get more and more competent and fluent. It\u2019s like learning how to dance the waltz. At first, it is an awkward, slow process of even counting out loud, \u201c1,2, together, 3,4, together\u201d and rigidly moving in a box. Then it gets faster, the counting becomes internal. It becomes more fluid, progressing until we look like Fred Astaire or Ginger Rogers.\r\n

Collaborative Problem Solving<\/h3>\r\nIn guiding children, situations often arise where a problem affects both the adult and the child or even a group of children or the class as a whole. These are instances where both parties \"own\" the problem, meaning that a solution must be found collaboratively to meet everyone\u2019s needs. Rather than relying on punitive discipline or authoritarian control, collaborative problem-solving is a respectful, relationship-centered approach that encourages children to think critically, develop empathy, and engage in constructive dialogue. This process fosters autonomy, cooperation, and social-emotional learning, all ultimate goals for our overall outcomes with children.\r\n

Conflicts Between Students<\/h3>\r\nTeachers can use this approach when facilitating a conflict between two students, helping each of them actively listen to each other and present their needs and desires through I-Messages.\r\n\r\nDirect instruction on these critical social-emotional skills at developmentally appropriate levels should be a solid part of any curriculum delivered in schools or childcare. There are many sources for this work, including curriculum books by the author (Breeding & Harrison, 2004). But it\u2019s when these skills have to actually be used in authentic situations that children really learn them. As we have repeatedly talked about, these skills take a lot of practice to learn. Students' conflicts with each other present an ideal opportunity for them to learn and integrate these important skills.\r\n

Issues Affecting the Whole Group: Class Meetings<\/h3>\r\nClass meetings are a powerful tool used in classrooms to build a strong sense of community, address conflicts, and foster collaborative problem-solving. These meetings create a structured space for students to communicate openly, express their feelings, and work together to solve problems, both individually and collectively. Class meetings are regular gatherings within the classroom where students and teachers come together to discuss important issues, share feelings, resolve conflicts, and brainstorm ideas.\r\n\r\nThese meetings can occur daily, weekly, or as needed. At the beginning of the year, these meetings can be used to establish norms and expectations for behavior, communication, and problem-solving. Teachers can guide students in co-creating classroom agreements that emphasize respect, honesty, and kindness.\u00a0 There are so many benefits to students being involved in co-creating the classroom rules. When openly given the responsibility for creating the guidelines for how they will treat each other, they always come up with the principles that we would have imposed upon them. When it\u2019s \u201ctheir rules,\u201d there are no incentives to rebel against them.\r\n\r\nClass meetings can be used to discuss issues that affect the entire class, such as problems with group work, class routines, or playground behavior. This gives students a chance to bring up concerns in a collective setting and helps them feel heard. When group agreements are broken, the whole community can address the issue rather than the teacher being solely responsible for handling it.\r\n\r\nClass meetings provide a natural space for collaborative problem-solving when conflicts arise between students or when there is a problem affecting the class as a whole. During the meeting, students are encouraged to actively listen to each other's perspectives, express their feelings, and work together to find mutually satisfying solutions.\r\n\r\nIn addition to addressing issues, class meetings can be a way to celebrate successes and reinforce positive behaviors. Teachers and students can highlight personal or group accomplishments, acknowledge acts of kindness, and encourage positive role models within the classroom. When there are no \u201citems on the agenda\u201d, these times can be used for direct instruction in social and emotional literacy.\r\n

The Collaborative Problem Solving Process<\/h3>\r\nThis process can be broken down into five key steps:\r\n
    \r\n \t
  1. Define the Problem Together. Use active listening to ensure all parties understand the issue from multiple perspectives.<\/li>\r\n \t
  2. Brainstorm Possible Solutions. Encourage all participants (including children of all ages) to come up with ideas. No idea is immediately dismissed, this helps children learn creativity and cooperation.<\/li>\r\n \t
  3. Evaluate and Choose a Solution. Discuss which ideas are fair and realistic. If needed, guide children to understand the impact of different choices.<\/li>\r\n \t
  4. Implement the Solution and Follow Through. Help children put the agreed-upon solution into action.<\/li>\r\n \t
  5. Reflect and Adjust if Needed. After some time, check in to see if the solution is working. If issues arise, revisit the discussion and modify the approach.<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nBy using this process, groups can resolve issues equitably and respectfully, involving all involved and creating solutions that fit everyone\u2019s needs. This process powerfully invites full commitment and cooperation to keep the agreed-upon solutions. In the process, children learn essential life skills such as compromise, negotiation, and emotional regulation.\r\n\r\nThe Appendix provides additional opportunities to identify other problem solving collaborations<\/a>.\r\n\r\n
    \r\n\r\n

    References<\/h2>\r\n
      \r\n \t
    1. Breeding, K., & Harrison, J. (2004). Connected and respected: Lessons from the Resolving Conflict Creatively Program. Educators for Social Responsibility.<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>","rendered":"

      Now the Hard Part: Practice<\/h2>\n

      Learning any new skill, especially when it is so foreign to all of our normal patterns over a lifetime, is extremely hard. It takes commitment, patience, and persistence. At first, we are oblivious to what we are actually doing and the benefits of a different way of interacting with others. When we become aware, one of the first things we often experience is guilt. (This is why there is an old saying that says, \u201cIgnorance is bliss\u201d.)<\/p>\n

      If we are moved (remember the purpose of an emotion like guilt is to \u201cmove\u201d us to action) and then make a commitment to learn how to effectively use I-Messages, our first attempts are very unsteady and painstakingly slow. We have to think through all of the choices for each component. This sounds very unnatural and phony, which is also very uncomfortable. (One of the things that can make this easier is to work on an I-Messages in written form at the beginning of learning them. You can take your time to craft them and make all of the revisions you need before actually delivering it.)<\/p>\n

      If we hang in long enough, we get more and more competent and fluent. It\u2019s like learning how to dance the waltz. At first, it is an awkward, slow process of even counting out loud, \u201c1,2, together, 3,4, together\u201d and rigidly moving in a box. Then it gets faster, the counting becomes internal. It becomes more fluid, progressing until we look like Fred Astaire or Ginger Rogers.<\/p>\n

      Collaborative Problem Solving<\/h3>\n

      In guiding children, situations often arise where a problem affects both the adult and the child or even a group of children or the class as a whole. These are instances where both parties “own” the problem, meaning that a solution must be found collaboratively to meet everyone\u2019s needs. Rather than relying on punitive discipline or authoritarian control, collaborative problem-solving is a respectful, relationship-centered approach that encourages children to think critically, develop empathy, and engage in constructive dialogue. This process fosters autonomy, cooperation, and social-emotional learning, all ultimate goals for our overall outcomes with children.<\/p>\n

      Conflicts Between Students<\/h3>\n

      Teachers can use this approach when facilitating a conflict between two students, helping each of them actively listen to each other and present their needs and desires through I-Messages.<\/p>\n

      Direct instruction on these critical social-emotional skills at developmentally appropriate levels should be a solid part of any curriculum delivered in schools or childcare. There are many sources for this work, including curriculum books by the author (Breeding & Harrison, 2004). But it\u2019s when these skills have to actually be used in authentic situations that children really learn them. As we have repeatedly talked about, these skills take a lot of practice to learn. Students’ conflicts with each other present an ideal opportunity for them to learn and integrate these important skills.<\/p>\n

      Issues Affecting the Whole Group: Class Meetings<\/h3>\n

      Class meetings are a powerful tool used in classrooms to build a strong sense of community, address conflicts, and foster collaborative problem-solving. These meetings create a structured space for students to communicate openly, express their feelings, and work together to solve problems, both individually and collectively. Class meetings are regular gatherings within the classroom where students and teachers come together to discuss important issues, share feelings, resolve conflicts, and brainstorm ideas.<\/p>\n

      These meetings can occur daily, weekly, or as needed. At the beginning of the year, these meetings can be used to establish norms and expectations for behavior, communication, and problem-solving. Teachers can guide students in co-creating classroom agreements that emphasize respect, honesty, and kindness.\u00a0 There are so many benefits to students being involved in co-creating the classroom rules. When openly given the responsibility for creating the guidelines for how they will treat each other, they always come up with the principles that we would have imposed upon them. When it\u2019s \u201ctheir rules,\u201d there are no incentives to rebel against them.<\/p>\n

      Class meetings can be used to discuss issues that affect the entire class, such as problems with group work, class routines, or playground behavior. This gives students a chance to bring up concerns in a collective setting and helps them feel heard. When group agreements are broken, the whole community can address the issue rather than the teacher being solely responsible for handling it.<\/p>\n

      Class meetings provide a natural space for collaborative problem-solving when conflicts arise between students or when there is a problem affecting the class as a whole. During the meeting, students are encouraged to actively listen to each other’s perspectives, express their feelings, and work together to find mutually satisfying solutions.<\/p>\n

      In addition to addressing issues, class meetings can be a way to celebrate successes and reinforce positive behaviors. Teachers and students can highlight personal or group accomplishments, acknowledge acts of kindness, and encourage positive role models within the classroom. When there are no \u201citems on the agenda\u201d, these times can be used for direct instruction in social and emotional literacy.<\/p>\n

      The Collaborative Problem Solving Process<\/h3>\n

      This process can be broken down into five key steps:<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Define the Problem Together. Use active listening to ensure all parties understand the issue from multiple perspectives.<\/li>\n
      2. Brainstorm Possible Solutions. Encourage all participants (including children of all ages) to come up with ideas. No idea is immediately dismissed, this helps children learn creativity and cooperation.<\/li>\n
      3. Evaluate and Choose a Solution. Discuss which ideas are fair and realistic. If needed, guide children to understand the impact of different choices.<\/li>\n
      4. Implement the Solution and Follow Through. Help children put the agreed-upon solution into action.<\/li>\n
      5. Reflect and Adjust if Needed. After some time, check in to see if the solution is working. If issues arise, revisit the discussion and modify the approach.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        By using this process, groups can resolve issues equitably and respectfully, involving all involved and creating solutions that fit everyone\u2019s needs. This process powerfully invites full commitment and cooperation to keep the agreed-upon solutions. In the process, children learn essential life skills such as compromise, negotiation, and emotional regulation.<\/p>\n

        The Appendix provides additional opportunities to identify other problem solving collaborations<\/a>.<\/p>\n

        \n

        References<\/h2>\n
          \n
        1. Breeding, K., & Harrison, J. (2004). Connected and respected: Lessons from the Resolving Conflict Creatively Program. Educators for Social Responsibility.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"menu_order":6,"template":"","meta":{"pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"Collaboration","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":["ken-breeding"],"pb_section_license":"cc-by-nc"},"chapter-type":[49],"contributor":[61],"license":[56],"class_list":["post-197","chapter","type-chapter","status-publish","hentry","chapter-type-numberless","contributor-ken-breeding","license-cc-by-nc"],"part":184,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/197","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/197\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":579,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/197\/revisions\/579"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/184"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/197\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=197"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=197"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}