{"id":192,"date":"2025-12-31T20:04:06","date_gmt":"2025-12-31T20:04:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/?post_type=chapter&p=192"},"modified":"2026-04-25T21:27:48","modified_gmt":"2026-04-25T21:27:48","slug":"intent-and-purpose","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/chapter\/intent-and-purpose\/","title":{"raw":"Purposeful Communication","rendered":"Purposeful Communication"},"content":{"raw":"

Staying Purposeful<\/h2>\r\nEverything we do in raising and teaching children should be purposeful. In all my guidance classes, we begin by brainstorming and listing all the words that would describe children when fully grown into the humans we want them to become. Respectful, responsible, caring, involved, connected, capable, ethical, honest, reliable, empathic, moral are always among the many words that come up. In the thousands of groups that have done this, \u201cobedient\u201d or \u201cwealthy\u201d have never been part of those lists.\r\n\r\nWhat is our purpose, our ultimate goal for what we do in guiding and managing children\u2019s behavior? This process of guiding and managing, although not listed as a specific area of the curriculum we address, presents the most potent learning opportunities for helping children develop all of the critical social and emotional skills needed to be successful in life. When we manage the process of guiding children well, we help them achieve those most important educational outcomes of all.\r\n\r\nWhen we help children develop those skills and use them, we create environments that not only address the most important educational outcomes described above but also allow children to learn all of the other academic goals we have for them as well.\r\n\r\nWe use the word \u201cguidance\u201d instead of \u201cdiscipline\u201d because the original meaning of that word had changed, probably through the dynamics that support the prevalence of Jackal language in all of our cultures. The word \"discipline\" actually derives from the Latin word \"disciplina\", which means instruction, knowledge, or training.\r\n\r\nHonesty is one of the goals people agree on we want from children. Imagine walking into a classroom and seeing a student throwing a ball across the room to another that accidentally hits and breaks something in its path. \u201cDid you just throw that ball?\u201d could be an unthinking response from the teacher.\r\n\r\nWhat do you think the student\u2019s response might be? \u201cI did it. I can not lie,\u201d is not going to happen. When people feel psychologically unsafe, they stop engaging in rational, open processing of information. Instead, they become defensive, prioritizing self-protection over learning or constructive dialogue.\r\n
\r\n

Key Takeaways<\/p>\r\n\r\n<\/header>\r\n

\r\n\r\nJack R. Gibb (1961) described a progression of defensive responses:\r\n
    \r\n \t
  1. Avoidance. The first reaction to a perceived threat is often to withdraw or disengage. This may be physical (leaving the situation), mental (tuning out), or emotional (shutting down). The student might try to physically leave or say \u201cMe? Oh, sorry, I have to go the bathroom.\u201d<\/li>\r\n \t
  2. Denial. If avoidance is not possible, individuals may respond by rejecting the reality of the threat. They may insist that there is no problem, dismiss the issue as unimportant, or blame external factors. \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/li>\r\n \t
  3. Fabrication. If pressed further, individuals may resort to distorting reality or making up excuses to justify their actions and avoid blame. This response is an effort to maintain self-image and control in the face of growing pressure. \u201cI saw the ball come through the door. I don\u2019t know who threw it.\u201d<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\nAll of the communication we use in guiding children needs to stay focused on our ultimate goals of children learning to control and manage their emotions and relate productively to others. A much better response instead of confronting the student who accidentally broke something would be to acknowledge the situation honestly and engage the student in learning something important from it.\r\n\r\nResponding assertively but with empathy for the student would produce much better outcomes. \u201cI saw you throw the ball that broke X. We will need to talk about what needs to be done to fix that. I know you probably didn\u2019t intend to break something. How are you feeling about that? What do you think will need to be done?\u201d These kinds of statements and questions invite learning and growth.\r\n\r\n
    \r\n\r\n

    References<\/h2>\r\n
      \r\n \t
    1. Gibb, J. R. (1961). Defensive communication. Journal of Communication, 11(3), 141-148.<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>","rendered":"

      Staying Purposeful<\/h2>\n

      Everything we do in raising and teaching children should be purposeful. In all my guidance classes, we begin by brainstorming and listing all the words that would describe children when fully grown into the humans we want them to become. Respectful, responsible, caring, involved, connected, capable, ethical, honest, reliable, empathic, moral are always among the many words that come up. In the thousands of groups that have done this, \u201cobedient\u201d or \u201cwealthy\u201d have never been part of those lists.<\/p>\n

      What is our purpose, our ultimate goal for what we do in guiding and managing children\u2019s behavior? This process of guiding and managing, although not listed as a specific area of the curriculum we address, presents the most potent learning opportunities for helping children develop all of the critical social and emotional skills needed to be successful in life. When we manage the process of guiding children well, we help them achieve those most important educational outcomes of all.<\/p>\n

      When we help children develop those skills and use them, we create environments that not only address the most important educational outcomes described above but also allow children to learn all of the other academic goals we have for them as well.<\/p>\n

      We use the word \u201cguidance\u201d instead of \u201cdiscipline\u201d because the original meaning of that word had changed, probably through the dynamics that support the prevalence of Jackal language in all of our cultures. The word “discipline” actually derives from the Latin word “disciplina”, which means instruction, knowledge, or training.<\/p>\n

      Honesty is one of the goals people agree on we want from children. Imagine walking into a classroom and seeing a student throwing a ball across the room to another that accidentally hits and breaks something in its path. \u201cDid you just throw that ball?\u201d could be an unthinking response from the teacher.<\/p>\n

      What do you think the student\u2019s response might be? \u201cI did it. I can not lie,\u201d is not going to happen. When people feel psychologically unsafe, they stop engaging in rational, open processing of information. Instead, they become defensive, prioritizing self-protection over learning or constructive dialogue.<\/p>\n

      \n
      \n

      Key Takeaways<\/p>\n<\/header>\n

      \n

      Jack R. Gibb (1961) described a progression of defensive responses:<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Avoidance. The first reaction to a perceived threat is often to withdraw or disengage. This may be physical (leaving the situation), mental (tuning out), or emotional (shutting down). The student might try to physically leave or say \u201cMe? Oh, sorry, I have to go the bathroom.\u201d<\/li>\n
      2. Denial. If avoidance is not possible, individuals may respond by rejecting the reality of the threat. They may insist that there is no problem, dismiss the issue as unimportant, or blame external factors. \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/li>\n
      3. Fabrication. If pressed further, individuals may resort to distorting reality or making up excuses to justify their actions and avoid blame. This response is an effort to maintain self-image and control in the face of growing pressure. \u201cI saw the ball come through the door. I don\u2019t know who threw it.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

        All of the communication we use in guiding children needs to stay focused on our ultimate goals of children learning to control and manage their emotions and relate productively to others. A much better response instead of confronting the student who accidentally broke something would be to acknowledge the situation honestly and engage the student in learning something important from it.<\/p>\n

        Responding assertively but with empathy for the student would produce much better outcomes. \u201cI saw you throw the ball that broke X. We will need to talk about what needs to be done to fix that. I know you probably didn\u2019t intend to break something. How are you feeling about that? What do you think will need to be done?\u201d These kinds of statements and questions invite learning and growth.<\/p>\n

        \n

        References<\/h2>\n
          \n
        1. Gibb, J. R. (1961). Defensive communication. Journal of Communication, 11(3), 141-148.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"menu_order":4,"template":"","meta":{"pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"Purpose","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":["ken-breeding"],"pb_section_license":"cc-by-nc"},"chapter-type":[49],"contributor":[61],"license":[56],"class_list":["post-192","chapter","type-chapter","status-publish","hentry","chapter-type-numberless","contributor-ken-breeding","license-cc-by-nc"],"part":184,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/192","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/192\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":426,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/192\/revisions\/426"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/184"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/192\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=192"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=192"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=192"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=192"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}