{"id":205,"date":"2025-12-31T20:16:46","date_gmt":"2025-12-31T20:16:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/?post_type=back-matter&p=205"},"modified":"2026-04-25T05:49:12","modified_gmt":"2026-04-25T05:49:12","slug":"assertive-communication-who-owns-the-problem","status":"publish","type":"back-matter","link":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/back-matter\/assertive-communication-who-owns-the-problem\/","title":{"raw":"Assertive Communication: Who Owns the Problem","rendered":"Assertive Communication: Who Owns the Problem"},"content":{"raw":"

Practice Identifying Who Owns the Problem<\/h2>\r\nFor the following scenarios, identify who owns the problem. On a piece of paper, number 1 through 8 and indicate for each scenario if the adult or the child owns the problem. For each, ask yourself: Who is most affected by the problem? What is the best response\u2014active listening, I-Messages, or collaborative problem-solving?\r\n
    \r\n \t
  1. A child\u2019s block tower keeps falling over.<\/li>\r\n \t
  2. Students are not lining up when asked.<\/li>\r\n \t
  3. A child refuses to wear a jacket on a cold day and the teacher is concerned.<\/li>\r\n \t
  4. A child cries because another child took their favorite toy.<\/li>\r\n \t
  5. Children keep interrupting Storytime.<\/li>\r\n \t
  6. A child is nervous about going to a new school for the first time.<\/li>\r\n \t
  7. A class is late for recess because a child won\u2019t put on their shoes.<\/li>\r\n \t
  8. Two children are arguing over who gets to be the \"leader\" during outdoor play.<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nYou should have ended up with half of them being the child\u2019s problem where active listening is most appropriate and half where the adult could use I-Messages to address the issue.\r\n\r\n
    \r\n\r\n

    Observing and Reflecting on Real Situations<\/h3>\r\nOver the next few days, observe children at play or during daily routines. Write down one or two real situations where a problem arises and reflect:\r\n\r\nWho owned the problem?\r\n\r\nWhat response did the adult use?\r\n\r\nWas the response appropriate, or could another approach have worked better?\r\n\r\n
    \r\n\r\n

    Thinking Through Unclear Scenarios<\/h3>\r\n
      \r\n \t
    • A Child Refuses to Eat Lunch\r\n
        \r\n \t
      • A preschooler refuses to eat their lunch, saying, \"I don't like this!\" The teacher is concerned because the child might be hungry later and struggle with focus or behavior.<\/li>\r\n \t
      • Who is most affected by the problem?<\/li>\r\n \t
      • Does the child need support, or should the adult step in?<\/li>\r\n \t
      • Is this a personal choice (child-owned) or a health concern (shared problem)?<\/li>\r\n \t
      • Possible Response: Active listening (\"You don\u2019t like today\u2019s lunch. What part don\u2019t you like?\") followed by problem-solving if needed.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/li>\r\n \t
      • A Child Won\u2019t Participate in Group Time\r\n
          \r\n \t
        • A child sits on the rug but refuses to engage during circle time. The teacher feels frustrated because group participation is an important part of the class routine.<\/li>\r\n \t
        • Is this the teacher\u2019s problem because it affects classroom management?<\/li>\r\n \t
        • Is it the child\u2019s problem because they may be feeling overwhelmed or uninterested?<\/li>\r\n \t
        • Should the teacher insist on participation, or is there another way to engage the child?<\/li>\r\n \t
        • Possible Response: Active listening first (\"You don\u2019t feel like joining in. Can you tell me why?\"), then collaborative problem-solving if needed (\"Let\u2019s find a way to make this work for both of us.\").<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/li>\r\n \t
        • A Child is Distracting Others During Nap Time\r\n
            \r\n \t
          • One child keeps making noises and fidgeting on their mat, preventing others from resting. The teacher is concerned because rest time is important for the class.<\/li>\r\n \t
          • Is this the child\u2019s problem (struggling to settle down)?<\/li>\r\n \t
          • Is it the teacher\u2019s problem (managing the class)?<\/li>\r\n \t
          • Is it a shared problem (both the child and others are affected)?<\/li>\r\n \t
          • Possible Response: Assertive I-Message (\"When you make noise during nap time, I feel concerned because other children need rest.\"), followed by problem-solving (\"What can we do to help you settle down?\").<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>","rendered":"

            Practice Identifying Who Owns the Problem<\/h2>\n

            For the following scenarios, identify who owns the problem. On a piece of paper, number 1 through 8 and indicate for each scenario if the adult or the child owns the problem. For each, ask yourself: Who is most affected by the problem? What is the best response\u2014active listening, I-Messages, or collaborative problem-solving?<\/p>\n

              \n
            1. A child\u2019s block tower keeps falling over.<\/li>\n
            2. Students are not lining up when asked.<\/li>\n
            3. A child refuses to wear a jacket on a cold day and the teacher is concerned.<\/li>\n
            4. A child cries because another child took their favorite toy.<\/li>\n
            5. Children keep interrupting Storytime.<\/li>\n
            6. A child is nervous about going to a new school for the first time.<\/li>\n
            7. A class is late for recess because a child won\u2019t put on their shoes.<\/li>\n
            8. Two children are arguing over who gets to be the “leader” during outdoor play.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

              You should have ended up with half of them being the child\u2019s problem where active listening is most appropriate and half where the adult could use I-Messages to address the issue.<\/p>\n

              \n

              Observing and Reflecting on Real Situations<\/h3>\n

              Over the next few days, observe children at play or during daily routines. Write down one or two real situations where a problem arises and reflect:<\/p>\n

              Who owned the problem?<\/p>\n

              What response did the adult use?<\/p>\n

              Was the response appropriate, or could another approach have worked better?<\/p>\n

              \n

              Thinking Through Unclear Scenarios<\/h3>\n
                \n
              • A Child Refuses to Eat Lunch\n
                  \n
                • A preschooler refuses to eat their lunch, saying, “I don’t like this!” The teacher is concerned because the child might be hungry later and struggle with focus or behavior.<\/li>\n
                • Who is most affected by the problem?<\/li>\n
                • Does the child need support, or should the adult step in?<\/li>\n
                • Is this a personal choice (child-owned) or a health concern (shared problem)?<\/li>\n
                • Possible Response: Active listening (“You don\u2019t like today\u2019s lunch. What part don\u2019t you like?”) followed by problem-solving if needed.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                • A Child Won\u2019t Participate in Group Time\n
                    \n
                  • A child sits on the rug but refuses to engage during circle time. The teacher feels frustrated because group participation is an important part of the class routine.<\/li>\n
                  • Is this the teacher\u2019s problem because it affects classroom management?<\/li>\n
                  • Is it the child\u2019s problem because they may be feeling overwhelmed or uninterested?<\/li>\n
                  • Should the teacher insist on participation, or is there another way to engage the child?<\/li>\n
                  • Possible Response: Active listening first (“You don\u2019t feel like joining in. Can you tell me why?”), then collaborative problem-solving if needed (“Let\u2019s find a way to make this work for both of us.”).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                  • A Child is Distracting Others During Nap Time\n
                      \n
                    • One child keeps making noises and fidgeting on their mat, preventing others from resting. The teacher is concerned because rest time is important for the class.<\/li>\n
                    • Is this the child\u2019s problem (struggling to settle down)?<\/li>\n
                    • Is it the teacher\u2019s problem (managing the class)?<\/li>\n
                    • Is it a shared problem (both the child and others are affected)?<\/li>\n
                    • Possible Response: Assertive I-Message (“When you make noise during nap time, I feel concerned because other children need rest.”), followed by problem-solving (“What can we do to help you settle down?”).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"menu_order":8,"template":"","meta":{"pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"Problems","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":["ken-breeding"],"pb_section_license":"cc-by-nc"},"back-matter-type":[27],"contributor":[61],"license":[56],"class_list":["post-205","back-matter","type-back-matter","status-publish","hentry","back-matter-type-appendix","contributor-ken-breeding","license-cc-by-nc"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/back-matter\/205","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/back-matter"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/back-matter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/back-matter\/205\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":370,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/back-matter\/205\/revisions\/370"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/back-matter\/205\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=205"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"back-matter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/back-matter-type?post=205"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=205"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palomar.edu\/childguidance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=205"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}